Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Episode 45: Yule Shoot Your Eye Out!



So yeah, a couple of things happened since Episode 44. I'm no fool, I know why you're here, so let's talk about the big news first...

I WENT TO THE BILLS GAME!!!!


It was a cold and gray morning as we loaded up Fran's SUV and headed to scenic Orchard Park NY to watch the Buffalo Bills take on the St. Louis Rams in "The Battle of Flickering Playoff Hopes Bowl." The only slight trouble was that we parked and subsequently tailgated in a swamp. As you can imagine, we set up a pretty fine tailgate for ourselves, burgers, dogs, deer steaks, and beer...plenty of beer. Drink now, because beer becomes $8.50 when you enter Ralph Wilson's house. 

The scene before a Bills game is fascinating. There's a fleeting sense of hope in the air, plenty of breakfast beer, and several pairs of ironically worn Zubaz pants. I would never show up to a sporting event wearing something so ghastly and foolish...

Oh shut up, picture of me taken in Wes Anderson style...
Naturally, upon entering the stadium, it started to rain/hail, painting a lovely and relevant backdrop for the depressing scene that was about to take place. The Bills lost in a heart breaker, and I was left wishing even harder that the NHL lockout would finally end. Like every asshole with a camera phone, I took a picture of the field, but you know what it looks like, so who cares. As it usually does, the parking lot turned into a post apocalyptic wasteland. Open fires, lost children, a dog with one leg, and people realizing the irony is dead and they just look silly in their 90's Bills hat with the Tasmanian Devil on it. (coughMEcough)

Well that's it for this one...Wakka Wakka

Every since the onset of "Event X," I made a vow to "bring this franchise back to its winning ways." I would use the shake up of moving back home to shake up more elements in my life to eventually better myself. So when an old friend by the name of Sean Devine came to me and said that Allstate was hiring, I realized there has never been a better time to make a move.  Selling insurance is unlike anything I've done before, but if I didn't believe that I could do it, and do it well, I would have said no thank you.

The whole process, even still, doesn't seem real. I knew I had both Sean and movie house refugee/dear friend John Izzo, who has been with the branch since the first brick was laid, pulling for me with the boss, but at the end of the day, I was the one being interviewed. I was the one who had to knock it out of the park. I present to you a fictional dramatization of how the interview went. 


(There exist better, more important Ortiz homer clips, but this is the only one I could find that was an actual broadcast and not some asshole with a camera phone.) 

So here we are. My last day at the Movie House will be Thursday, December 27th. I can't thank John and Sean enough for their help. I intend on having my exit be subtle, classy, and without much fan fare. Though if someone wants to get me a present, a framed poster of myself in the style of the Obama "Hope" poster would do quite nicely. I have a couple of weeks to figure out a clever new way to describe the new job, because I must admit, I kinda love it when I hear others say, "Movie House." Since it's Allstate, it's important that I include both Pedro Cerrano and Dennis Duffy, my two new bosses...

     




















2013 is shaping up to be a great year...

Today is the first of a one-two punch of Minch brand writing material! Tomorrow, (12/19/12) there will be a brand new Christmas themed, "Minch's Pop Tarts" over at Eat Your Serial!!! I mean it's not there right this minute, but go over there now and read some of the other great stuff they have. As always, thanks for reading.

Minch

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Episode 44: Too Early For A Christmas Title...






I've always been a big believer in not counting your chickens before they are hatched. It's the skeptic in me. I don't care if my team is up by fifty runs, goals, points, or whatever the unit of measurement is in Quidditch, I am not confident in a win until 20 minutes after the game is over. In the spirit of that notion, I tell you I'm sitting on a couple of items that if carried out will bring the Mike Minch franchise back to it's winning ways! But that's all I can say now...

Thanks for reading, be sure to share this with.....

I kid, I kid, I have stuff to talk about.

First off, for those of you wondering, "Blackout Wednesday" was more like "Go out on a busy bar night with friends, have some beers, laughs, and return home at a reasonable hour Wednesday." Not even a Brownout Wednesday. Maturity!!!! Alyssa over at Chocolate is my life was hoping for a wild and crazy blog recap filled with stories of me fighting a biker gang, crashing a wedding, setting a Buick on fire. Instead, there's just this photo of some handsome bastards...

"We're not that drunk! We're not that drunk!"
 A funny thing happened last week. You see, I have one of those Twitter accounts (@mrminch) It's a lot like Facebook, only not horrible. I primarily use my account for one liner jokes, and blog promotion. I generally am against using it to try to get celebrities and/or other well known folk to respond or ReTweet. Though I will admit occasionally mentioning Michael Caine in a tweet, because if you're going to whore out your Twitter account, go for the gold standard.

Last week I made a quick joke about the show 1600 Penn. NBC has been running the ads for this for awhile.




I let my inner bitterness over Community being pushed back, and NBC airing The Voice five nights a week get the best of me...

The RT above it is pretty spot on too
 A few hours and Evan Williams/Diet Cokes later I received a response...


from Mike Royce the show runner from 1600 Penn. He took the time to appeal to a smart ass from Upstate New York with a scant 200+ followers. Especially given that if my joke was taken literally, it suggested he should be put to death...(pulls at collar, gulps loudly) So as you can see from my response to him. I have given my word to give the show a shot. Maybe you can too. If more show runners would be willing to personally appeal to me, I would be more willing to watch their shows, except for Big Bang Theory, I'm not going to watch that shit...

Well I'm off to go film a thing with Maslyn, you remember him, he did this...


I'm sworn to secrecy on the nature of the project, but I will say that it may or may not be a shot for shot remake of "Stop or My Mom Will Shoot." 

Hey did you read Episode 43?  How about my Thanksgiving Pop Tart over at Eat Your Serial? Oh yeah, well what are they about? See, I knew it. Go catch up. Thanks for reading.

Oh Mr. Royce, if you actually accepted my invite to read this nonsense, then perhaps I could ask one more minor favor of you. Could you ask Bill Pullman if he actually got to meet Randy Quaid, and if so, what was he like in real life? I have a lot of people over here that want to know. Thanks, and good luck with the show!

Minch