Episode 41: ...ends up in my blog

Well it finally happened, and even though I knew this day was coming, I'm still aggravated. After weeks of walking around what appeared to be the set of Outbreak, I have finally gotten sick. I don't like getting sick....it bugs me. It was one of two people who did this to me: Either "Typhoid Franny" who got sick right before we left for Vegas (yes yes, I'll get to that) or the Boss. Frankly, even though I was in a pressurized flying disease tube with Typhoid Franny, I'm still leaning towards this being the Boss' fault, as he has a habit hacking and coughing all around the office. He's kind of like Pigpen from Peanuts if Pigpen had clouds of contagious disease around him instead of just filth. My point is, your donations of soup and screwdrivers (Grey Goose only, I'm trying to get healthy) are greatly appreciated.

Okay, so I'm sure you're wondering how the Vegas trip went, so without further adieu. Maestro...

The Flight:

Fun Fact: I was 18 the first time I went on plane. That gave me the distinct advantage of having 18 years to worry about flying. I have been on roughly 10-15 flights since, none of them too turbulent, so I have gotten over my fear. Our second flight, from Jersey to Vegas was a 5+ hour beast. Sure they had some good TV shows on for everybody ( Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, New Girl) but that counts for an hour and a half. My sister, who has a really rough time flying, took something (prescribed) to help her sleep...

I'd say it worked.

 As we waited, seemingly 12 years, for our bags to show up at the baggage claim at Vegas' McCarren airport, a gentleman showed up asking if we had a ride to our hotel. For sake of the story, let's just say it was him...

He told us that he would drive us to the Monte Carlo (our hotel) for $45 in his limo. As a group we thought about it. If we didn't get murdered, and there was a risk of that, it would actually be a decent deal. Armando (his actual name) then sweetened the pot by saying he would stop by the liquor store for us for free. Being murdered was no longer a concern for me. We agreed. We were heading to the hotel in style...

My Bills shirt, hoodie, and fedora scream style!!!

Sadly, the liquor store didn't carry Kentucky Gentleman, but they did have the next best (worst) thing. As the girls were spending $30-$40 on bottles of candy flavored Vodka, Your buddy found himself a nice big $14 bottle of...Evan Williams! If it's good enough for the open bar at weddings, it's good enough for Vegas.

Gambling

...is not a thing that I am good at. The more I played, the more I figured I was going to be leaving Vegas looking like this...

Slot machines have become kind of awesome, not in the sense that you win anything (Trust me on that!!!) but in the sense that a lot of them are based on cool movies/TV shows. I played:

The Hangover 
Ghostbusters- Dan Aykroyd does his own voice on that one. (Surprising no one.)
The Dark Knight- I wanted to win the Michael Caine Progressive (Not many people know about that.)

There was also a Happy Days slot machine, but apparently it was called "Happy Days: Ralph Malph Rips You Off" As there was virtually no payoff whatsoever...

Sunday Sunday Sunday!!!

Sunday was the big event day. We started with the champagne brunch over at the Bellagio, there's no drinking like unlimited breakfast drinking. I followed that up with watching the Bills game at the bar. While there weren't any Bills fans there, I was sitting next to a Redskins fan who kept shouting at the TV...EVEN THOUGH HIS TEAM WAS WINNING!!! This all lead to the main event...

The Club Crawl:
Look given the "What Happens in Vegas Act of 1997" (TM @nicknewt) as well as my fuzzy memory of the event, all I can tell you is that at some point Rufilin was slipped in my drink because this...

Turned to this...

   

On our club tour there were two wildly attractive Australian girls. One of which apparently took a picture with me...

 

 

I'm relieved that I actually look like a person in this shot

 The Next Morning:

It's weird, when I woke up, I didn't feel immediately hungover. Then, I noticed the bag of uneaten McDonald's on my nightstand. So like any logical person, I ate my leftover McChicken sandwich. I think that was the point where my system said, "NO! NO! THAT'S IT!! EFF YOU, YOU'RE BENCHED!!!" Shortly after that sammy, I was down for the count and relegated to the hotel room watching ESPN.

The Last Night:

Still trying to assemble myself, we walked down the strip looking for something to do. The thing to know about Vegas is that you'll always see two things. Mexican Families trying to give you calling cards for prostitutes, and many many Tom Haverford's trying to get you to go to their club

"HEY GIRLS, 2 For 1 ALL YOU CAN DRINK FOR $60!!"

Fortunately we found a guy who worked for the club in our hotel. He was selling open bar for $20. Now, myself being a seasoned man of the world, knew that this offer wasn't extended to me, but I got in for free. The club, I think it was called "Bungles" or something like that, was an Average Joe's anybody can play sort of deal. I know this as fact, since they let me in, and I looked like a shit took a shit. I helped myself to an $8 bottle of beer (which went down like a cup of nails) and decided, hell with it. It was time to lose the last of my money gambling, then call it a night. (It was like 1:30 AM at this point)

The Vegas trip ended as quickly as it began. I gave Vegas all of my money, and in turn she gave me a few fuzzy memories and undiagnosed alcohol poisoning...

Hey did you read my latest post on Eat Your Serial ? No? Well you should. They told me I'm fired if you don't read it. No, not really, but read it. I make Christopher Walken President. Also, a giant thanks to Alyssa over at Chocolate is my Life  She linked my last post to her blog, and I got "mad crazy traffic...yo" Go read her blog, she's funny, and she runs, and sometimes complains about football.

Hey, why don't you do the same thing as Alyssa and share this with your social media kin. Like it on BookFace, or take a picture of your computer screen and post it to Insta-grahams or Teddy Grahams for that matter. Thanks!

Minch

Episode 40: What Happens in Vegas...

Holy hell, it's been almost a month since my last blog post??!?! I am an absentee parent of blogging, but I am back and I'm going to buy you ice cream*, and you can forget how I haven't been there for you.

Last week I wrote my newest article for my buddies over at Eat Your Serial!!!! It runs on 10/17, because it takes a week and a half to edit out all of the bad grammar and bad spelling and the parts that seem like they were written while asleep and/or drunk. For some reason, this one was tough to come up with. I farted around with a couple of ideas (A TV and Movie Presidential Debate, an analysis of the old man buddy comedies of the late '90s) but nothing was clicking. Then, the night before it was due, Ang Lee's Hulk movie was on. Ang Lee's Hulk is the Gone With the Wind of Hulk movies, in that it is roughly as long as Gone With the Wind. But just like I have done for all of my years of high school and college, I let something I wasn't really interested in distract me from something I needed to do. Finally, when the movie ended at 1:30am (it started at 7:30pm) I started to get an idea for what to write. I think the end result is pretty neat. Okay, so a quarter of the way through and this has just been an advertisement for the next thing I'm doing---which is basically how Marvel makes movies. (Zing)

Hey, I'm going to Vegas on Saturday. It's hard to believe that this trip spawned from an early morning phone call from Mom.

Cell Phone: RING RING (Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men is my ringtone if you're a purist for facts) 

Me: What?!?

Fran: We're going to Vegas for your sister's birthday. You want to go?

Me: Not now I'm sleeping...

After I came to, and the plan was explained to me, I decided I was on board. The lineup is a bit eccentric to say the least . It's my sister and three of her friends, my Mom (who will likely be playing the duel role of Mother Superior/Bail Bondsman) and then me. Apparently the group needed a problem drinking smart ass to round out their numerically challenged version of Oceans 11, (I'm Bernie Mac.)

This isn't my first go round in Vegas. I went back in 2007. Let's have a look...

I think this was the Planet Hollywood Mall or something like that, but more than anything else...Jesus Christ I was a fat son of a bitch!!! I'm going to pull up a different pic to even out.

Jesus, I was a thin son of a bitch. I don't know whether to feel depressed or really depressed so let's move on.

One of the many activities we are doing in Vegas is a "Club Crawl." As I'm sure you'd assume, this was my idea. (This is where a sarcasm font would be helpful.)  We are taking a party bus to a bunch of different Vegas clubs, and while variety is the spice of life, I find the dress code a little restrictive.

No Sneakers: What the hell? Like Chucks aren't stylish all of a sudden?

Button Down shirt...

So I seriously don't get to wear this? 

 Not to mention, several requests from my sister to wear contacts. Just what in the hell is wrong with my glasses? They make me look like Tampa Bay Rays coach Joe Maddon.

I may not like his team, but the guy's got style...

One thing is certain, I am going to put $10 on the Bills winning the Super Bowl. I can only imagine what the odds are now after those last two nightmares I'm told were football games. If somehow they are able to pull it off (You know, by cheating or all the other teams forfeiting.) I'll use the winnings throw a party that looks a little something like this...

Alright, that's it for this one gang. I would like to tell you I'm going to churn these out quicker, but I can't. So I promise that I will try to try. In the meantime, be a gem and share this on the social media. Post about it in AOL Chat rooms or print this out and mail it to a friend, stamps are cheap. Also, I want to start trying to rally more followers, so do whatever Google tells you to do to become one. It's almost painless!!! Thanks!!!

Minch

*No, there isn't any ice cream.





 

Episode 39: If It Means A Lot To You

Something great/terrible happened before Fran's "Labor Day Eve Blackout For America Block Party." Like all stories that involve the words great and terrible, it takes place at a liquor store. I decided I wanted to put on my fancy pants for this event and enjoy some bourbon. In that section of "Uncle Reginald's House of Moonshine and Merriment" ---where I usually get my booze, I saw something I haven't seen since my brother and sister-in-law's rehearsal dinner...

Kentucky Gentleman!!!! (Cigars sold separately.)

A two liter bottle cost me $16, so it's both high quality and economically responsible! I tweeted (@mrminch if you're not already aboard) the above picture, and my favorite response came from my old college buddy @nicknewt: "A white suit is being shipped to you from the finest haberdashery in all of Kentucky as we speak" For safety sake, there should be a warning on the label that if you drink and entire 2L of Kentucky Gentlemen in the span of a day, you wake up the next morning feeling like Colonel Sanders beat you with a lead pipe....

This past Friday, there was a meeting of the minds and we are coming ever closer to the return of "The Minch and Topeck Show." Here, I made a poster...

 For those of you new to The M+T show, here's a brief origin story. Back when my old buddy Topeck and I started at MCC, we basically had the same schedule, so Topeck drove me (also, I didn't get my license til I was 18 #MinchFacts.) We noticed there were sign ups for MCC's radio station "WMCC: The Mix." For some reason that I'll never quite understand, the head guy at the station liked our show, which consisted of mostly music and a couple of jokes in between. In our second year, we were given free reign of our show, and began having fellow Movie House employee and longtime friend Dave Rector as third mic. Not satisfied with only broadcasting in the hallway outside the studio, it was more of a PA system than a radio station, we began burning the show onto CDs and our good friend Mr. Jeff Commaroto would upload it on his website. Now, I'm not saying that we invented podcasting, but we invented podcasting.

The show itself was a mix of movie reviews, contests, and one major sketch in the middle. While everyone had a hand in writing sketches I was the primary impressionist (not particularly good, but it worked) so for the most part, I was talking to myself like a schizophrenic. This SNL sketch basically sums it up, though we were never quite so tongue in cheek racist. SNL, Z105 The Minch and Topeck show

At it's heart, the Minch and Topeck show was about three friends trying to make each other laugh, and I'm really excited to be trying it again. And Now for Something Completely Different...

It's a rough time for the Minch Sports Universe. Let's have a run down:

Boston Red Sox: Not good. At this rate I may be asked to coach the rest of the season.

Buffalo Sabres: The team itself is fine. I like the offseason moves. Should be a good season, oh wait that's right, there's an impending lockout, and who the hell knows if there will even be a season.

Buffalo Bills: Got embarrassed by the Jets yesterday. In most crowds, a statement with flickering optimism like, "Hey they're only 0-1" will get paper wads, beer bottles, and Tia the dog thrown at you.

College Football: is a thing I never really cared too much about, except for one drunken night...

Last year, my cousin and I were on a Kickball Pub Crawl down East Ave. It was getting pretty late in the game, and I had a good thing going. We got to one bar towards the end of the crawl and we wanted to play darts, a thing I am not good at. The dartboard is located in the bar's back room and as we started to play we noticed we were surrounded by Nebraska Corn Huskers fans.They were all decked out and watching the game. Thinking nothing of it, we started playing when the manager popped in to tell us we couldn't be in the backroom as the Nebraska fans rented it out. Just as we were being shamefully escorted out, a large gentlemen stood up and said, "Wait, they can stay. As long as they root for Nebraska with us!!!" So there we were, playing darts and going crazy for a team that I had never really gave a hot damn about. Jim Carrey, would you kindly reenact that night for us...

Yeah, that's about right. Oh and who is that with you?

Somehow, I ended up at a nightclub that night. Hey before I go, I have a favor to ask. I'm sure you've been lobbied with a bunch of the "Vote For My Kid" Gerber contests, but if you could find it in your heart to vote for either or both of my kids, it would be great. You forgot I had kids? Go back and read All Good Things 

Vanekessa Pegula Minch

Joffrey Alabaster Minch

Vote early and often. Hey, thanks for reading! Feel free to share this on the Pinstagram (TM-Rector) various AOL Chat rooms, or the social media outlet of your choosing. My next edition of "Minch's Pop Tarts is going to show up Sept 19th, and I'll warn you now, it features Mr. Belding.

Minch

Episode #38: You Rascal You

It has been forever and a day since my last blog. I mean, I didn't completely leave you guys in the lurch, you did get another edition of Minch's Pop Tarts!!! Did you read that yet? I made fun of Flubber and everything. Anyways, if I may offer an explanation for my extended absence, the inevitable finally happened. I woke up one morning, went to check the internets, and my 2002 Compaq was frozen. While that isn't necessarily new, when I went to reboot it, it still wouldn't work. My 10 year old computer had finally bit the dust. Let's all take a moment...

God must have needed a computer that shuts off when you try to load pics for your blog.

 Fortunately for me, Fran just so happened to have a computer lying around, Daisy the Dog was using it as a chew toy. So, I'm back and now using Windows Vista!!!---Nope, not a joke..

Where the hell did summer go? It seems like just yesterday I was day drinking for Memorial Day and now today I'll be day drinking for Labor Day. You see, Fran has the family picnic the day before, so you can spend the holiday hungover. It's a brilliant, yet slightly sad system.

Recently, I was thinking about the direction of my life, (No, I wasn't high) and while I don't really have a lot to complain about ( I mean big picture style, stubbing your toe sucks, but compared to the problems of a 29 year old Sudanese guy, I think I'm doing okay) I also don't have much of a long term plan. So I came up with an idea: Give myself til the ripe old age of 31 and if I'm still in the same(ish) spot that I'm in now, I'll vanish out of Rochester...

Where will you go? 

Well Christ, I haven't planned everything out yet. Maybe Hawaii. I could bar tend at a dive bar. Like a "All our beer comes in cans and all our wine comes in boxes" type of joint. A place that still has that old Budweiser Bartender video game. The type of place where they have a grill, but you're not going to eat there unless you're really hammered. I could come up with a signature burger, "The Minch" (I'm still drafting out specifics, but bacon and gravy will be involved) It'll become a late night Hawaiian delicacy, and Travel Channel's Adam Richman will show up to try one, turning our dive bar into a tourist destination. Foodies* will travel for miles and miles to try my new genius creation.

*Foodie is a Latin word for "Pain in the ass" Yeah I get it, the sandwich is good, act like a person.

Finally, when the old man owner kicks the bucket, I'll make a power grab, buy off his shitty kids and then own the bar! I'll live out the rest of my days with my hipster Hawaiian wife (Hawaiian Hipsters exist right?) sun burnt and day drunk, or as you people call it "Happily Ever After"

 

Perfect, now I have a long term plan in place. Now that I have a working computer, I intend on churning out a lot more of these a lot quicker, you know unless I'm doing other stuff. Feel free to share this on any of the major social networking emporiums. I mean you took the time to share that Someecard that said, "My Liver's Watch is stuck on Five O'Clock" why not share something that helps your old pal Minch? Just click the links below buddy or buddy-ette!!!

Thanks as always,
Minch

Episode #37: The Dog Days of Summer

 I remember as a kid feeling a certain sense of dread once August rolled around. It was always at the start of August that my Grandmother would start shouting, "Only four more weeks of summer left!" She would say it with the force and restrained glee that a bouncer yells out, "Last call, drink 'em up." Seeing as though she spent her summers babysitting my siblings and I, her job was actually pretty similar to a bouncer. Also, as a little kid, "only four weeks" might as well been "only twenty minutes."

When you're young, the only thing you have to look forward to as far as school starting is getting new supplies. Later, this would be hampered by those smart ass, "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" ads. I'm sure I'll understand those more when I have little demon spawns, but at the time, it really felt like parents were tap dancing on their kid's deflated souls. Anyways, I always liked stocking up on cartoon school gear, clearly making me the coolest kid in the room. My prized possession was a lunch box based on perhaps my favorite cartoon of the time: Darkwing Duck

No, this isn't a pic of mine...sadly.

Remember picking out sweet folders. We were a decade away from me developing sports interest, so those again were all cartoon based too...

Now, those weren't exactly the folders I had. In fact at Sacred Heart Cathedral School, Bart Simpson was public enemy number one. Anything depicting he or any other Simpsons characters (even Hans Moleman) would be confiscated. You couldn't even wear a Simpsons shirt on "Dress Down Days." Yeah that's right, we had uniforms, which made back to school clothes shopping twice as awful. There was only one school approved store, it was out in the middle of nowhere and called "Carbunkles" or something like that. Googling "Kid's School Uniforms" is the sort of search that results in the FBI showing up at your door, so let's just say they looked like this...

   
Eventually, having cartoon lunch boxes becomes socially unacceptable, and teachers begin choosing folders for you. Yeah I get it, Red for English, Green for Science is more organized, but where's the individuality? Where's the unique creativity? Where's the opportunity to pause during a lesson about fractions, look at your folder and say to yourself, "Yeah this sucks, but at least I get to go home and watch TaleSpin."

August only got worse as I entered high school, and it was all because of two words, Summer Reading. At the risk of offending my former English teachers, (a few of them actually read this, and are probably already offended by the grammar errors) I was always derelict in my summer reading assignments. I could never get myself to do it. There was a time when I felt like I'd be more diligent about it if I could pick my own books to read, but then I remember in grade school when I did five book reports on "Super Fudge" by Judy Blume. God, Fudge was such an asshole.

Ever since I finished college and summer has gone from vacation to season, I find myself eagerly awaiting fall to begin. Temperatures under 900 degrees (hopefully). Pumpkin flavored everything starts coming out. Football, Hockey and playoff baseball (grr...) Let's not forget Halloween! Speaking of which, I need a solid idea for this year. Last year I was Mr. Dink from Doug. Since I was an ancillary character with no one else in Doug gear, I spent a lot of my Halloween explaining...

"Ohhh, Okay." was the catch phrase of the night.

   
Don't get me wrong, I plan on savoring every last drop of Summer I can, but I've gotten over my August sense of dread.  Well that's all for this one gang. As always, feel free to share this old boy on your TwitterFace and InstaBooks.

Thanks,
Minch

Minch's Summer of Love: Chapter 7

Of all the squares to end up at, why did it have to be square one...

On August 18th, my membership with the pay dating site ends. My three month summer experiment is in the 8th inning, and essentially I'm right where I started. I've been mulling over whether to bother re-upping for another three months. Truth is, I'm leaning towards no. Now, slow down, I'm not writing this to be a depressing ballad of misery. Don't believe me, here's a picture of Tia shooting Hitler in front of an ARBYS...

There, better? I'm not trying to say I'm going to give up and live alone in a cave. Not yet anyways. At this juncture I'm having a hard time quantifying the overall value of being a part of that site. Okay, yes I did go on a few dates, but for every one of those (3 altogether) there 10 unanswered emails and/or winks (yeah, I gave up and started sending winks.) I could get ignored just as easily for free. Besides, I'd still be on the free site (shiver.)

I think part of the problem is, when you are on something like that, you better be ready to compete. Don't get me wrong, when your single, you're always in a competition. Just look at the bar scene I've described in previous chapters. But when you're on a site like this, you have to assume when your talking/chatting/dating/whatever semantics with someone there are 7-10 other guys messaging her, waiting for the chance to tell her what an asshole you are and how cool they are. It's a bit intense. Speaking of intense, this is getting a little dark, so to break the tension, please enjoy this picture of Foghorn Leghorn going to a bank where Sabres GM Darcy Regier works...

Which brings me to this blog. I'm also waffling on whether or not to continue The Summer of Love section of MvW. As much as I like writing it, it complicates matters. I was lucky once when I revealed its existence. There's no guarantee that next time, it won't get me duffed in the head. Not to mention, it kind of paints me into a corner as far as storytelling goes. Speaking of storytelling, as I said in Chapter One, there's no promise I can make to the reader that there will be a happy ending. I feel bad having created this blog for comedy purposes, leading the reader on a road to potentially nowhere. MvW will always exist, but this might have to go on the back burner. Though I do have one more trick up my sleeve...

Boy, I sure am hungry. I wonder what I should have for lunch...

(Looks Around)

I wonder WHAT I SHOULD HAVE FOR LUNCH!!!!

Maybe you should get Wendy's!!!! Oh God Dammit, not you again!

Say, that's not a bad idea. Care to join me? We could get a couple of Baconators...

No, I've told you before, it doesn't work like that. I have to leave. I need to go bully an old lady into buying a Frosty.

Damn.

Well now I am out of ideas. If this is the last SOL, then I thank you all for joining me on this experiment. Putting my shit on blast has been both fun and nerve wracking, but it's nice to know you've got people rooting for you. 

Keep rooting, it is only the 8th inning after all...

Minch     

      

Episode 36: The Minch Family's Chicago Adventure

Hey Guys! I realize it's been a while, but the business center at the hotel stunk and trying to blog from a phone is a living nightmare so I put this little gem on hold, until now. Every year The Minch Family takes a vacation. During an unofficial meeting about it a few months ago, everything seemed lined up for us to take the same Ocean City trip we had taken the last few years. I made the suggestion we try something different, perhaps a big city, like Chicago. We could catch a Cubs game, eat deep dish pizza, see the kidney bean sculpture at Millennium Park. My suggestion was met with a tepid response at best. The next day something magical happened, my brother Dennis decided he liked (and subsequently came up with) the idea. With Dennis' higher stock value in the family, everyone got on board with after his endorsement. The Minch's were going to Chicago!

We left at 7AM on Saturday. For the millionth time, I tried staying up all night so I would sleep in the car. I even watched Scream 4 at around 3am. For the millionth time, that plan failed and I was left tired, uncomfortable, and filled with memories of a bad movie.

For those of you outside the Rochester NY area, of the many things we lack, perhaps the worst is a Sonic Drive In. We've had television ads for them for roughly 15 years, but the closest one is out in East BumbleAss. So we make it a point to swing by one on the way to any vacation spot. This year to be different, we decided to get Sonic on the way back and instead we would try White Castle. The GPS (the worst antagonist of this trip) said the closest one was in Cleveland. What it didn't tell us was exactly how unsavory our surrounding would be. Also, it didn't mention how the workers would be none too happy with our order of 30 sliders. (If it makes a difference, there were 6 of us. It doesn't? Okay screw you then!) I can only imagine the amount of spit/dish detergent/rat poison that was put in each of those sliders, but against all odds we made it out alive and with our order...

Not only was Neil Patrick Harris not there, they won't serve you if you make that joke.

 Before delving into Chicago, I'll tell you about the day trip we took to Milwaukee. Since it was only an hour away from Chicago, we decided to head up to see a Brewery and the Brewers. Maybe even have a brew. Instead of hitting up a corporate piss water refinery like Miller, we went to the independent Lakefront Brewery. Unlike usual brew tours, you were given beer throughout the tour, not at the end. The more tours I go to, the more I'm convinced I should be giving brewery tours as a living. Our tour guide, whose name was Gus or Fletch or something weird had the makings of a guy who rolled off of his couch at the crack of noon to head to work and give a tour. He then said he was the owner's cousin, verifying my theory. He had a lot to contend with on our tour, as we had three or four hyperactive kids running around. What kind of selfish ass parents bring their kids on a brewery tour? There's no way they'll be interested!!!

Then it was off to Miller Park. We had some extra time and we were all hungry so we decided to head towards the park and eat at one of its adjacent bars/restaurants. It's important to note, it was a scant 127 degrees in Wisconsin that day. As we walked up the parking lot we saw something completely new to us, people were tailgating the ballgame!!! As Western New Yorkers tailgating was nothing new, but never for baseball. Impressed, we made our way to the park to find some food...

As we walked around the outside of the park, we realized that it was an island unto itself. That's when we made the grave realization...

Cue Realization music...

The fans were tailgating because there is nothing around! The park doesn't open for another 40 minutes! While none of us were thrilled with this, it sat particularly poorly with the females on our trip. We muscled it out and got some brats and cheese fries once the park opened. (This is why mascot Bernie Brewer has had three heart attacks) The only other problem, was the dome was left open so it remained 127 degrees throughout the entire game. It was indeed too hot to drink beer. Don't get me wrong, I tried, but that first one went down like a cup full of nails.  Sidenote: Brewers lost that game when closer/civil war general John Axford blew it in the 9th.

The next day we went to historic Wrigley Field. As someone who wants to go to every ballpark at least once n his life, this was a major destination.

Wrigley has a far better set up than Miller, in that there are bars and stores and things to do before the game all around. On the suggestion of my good friend Bill, we went to both The Cubby Bear and Sluggers, the latter was quite popular with my brother, as it had an upstairs batting cage. The girls mentally prepped for another ballgame, by getting moderately to fairly hammered. I would judge them, but I waited until I got inside the park to slurp down $7 beers. Unlike Miller, those went down smooth as silk!

I had the hope that somehow, someway Bill Murray would be at the game. Sadly, instead I wound up with Jim Belushi. Some days that seems like a metaphor for my life. Hoping for Bill Murray and then getting Jim Belushi. Side Note: The Cubs lost that game and Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis were at the next game.

As far as touristy stuff, we ate deep dish pizza at both Gino's East and Pizzeria Due. We went to Millennium Park to see the Kidney Bean. We also walked down Navy Pier, stopping at the Harry Caray's Tavern where references to the old SNL sketches are met with eye rolls.

To be fair to the ladies (my sister and sister-in-law) who had been brave little troopers during the two baseball games, we took a trip to a Chicago nightclub. I think it was called Leg Room or AssHats or something like that. Couple of notes:

There was a swarthy gentlemen who kept grabbing girls by the shoulder to get them to have drinks with him. As you can imagine, this didn't work, and he was fairly persistent.

There was a flamboyant young man who made a failed attempt to get my Mom to dance. 


Beers were only $3!!! For a club, not bad. I got ripped...

Chicago's Catch Phrase should be: Chicago-For Every Giant Fat Guy, There's The Ridiculously Hot Girl He's With! 


Just wondering, Girls when you decide to wear that skirt out, mentally do you just accept that at some point somebody is going to see your butthole?

While it was a far busier event than the usual Minch Family Vacations, the Chicago trip was pretty great. Though it was one of those vacations you need a vacation from after. You better believe we stopped at Sonic on the way home.

Switching gears, tomorrow, 7/24/12 my newest article for eatyourserial.com will run. I open with a joke about a twist in Dark Knight Rises involving two loser villains. (Sorry Calendar Man) I didn't want it to run without at least acknowledging the events in Colorado. My deepest condolences to all involved. I damn sure checked in with my Col friends to make sure they were alright (One tweeted pretty early. The other I texted.) There's a lot that can be said on many different level about what happened and what should be done, but for right now, the only appropriate thing to say is let's remember the victims: innocent people who went to see a movie.

Thanks,
Minch