Episode #37: The Dog Days of Summer

 I remember as a kid feeling a certain sense of dread once August rolled around. It was always at the start of August that my Grandmother would start shouting, "Only four more weeks of summer left!" She would say it with the force and restrained glee that a bouncer yells out, "Last call, drink 'em up." Seeing as though she spent her summers babysitting my siblings and I, her job was actually pretty similar to a bouncer. Also, as a little kid, "only four weeks" might as well been "only twenty minutes."

When you're young, the only thing you have to look forward to as far as school starting is getting new supplies. Later, this would be hampered by those smart ass, "Most Wonderful Time of the Year" ads. I'm sure I'll understand those more when I have little demon spawns, but at the time, it really felt like parents were tap dancing on their kid's deflated souls. Anyways, I always liked stocking up on cartoon school gear, clearly making me the coolest kid in the room. My prized possession was a lunch box based on perhaps my favorite cartoon of the time: Darkwing Duck

No, this isn't a pic of mine...sadly.

Remember picking out sweet folders. We were a decade away from me developing sports interest, so those again were all cartoon based too...

Now, those weren't exactly the folders I had. In fact at Sacred Heart Cathedral School, Bart Simpson was public enemy number one. Anything depicting he or any other Simpsons characters (even Hans Moleman) would be confiscated. You couldn't even wear a Simpsons shirt on "Dress Down Days." Yeah that's right, we had uniforms, which made back to school clothes shopping twice as awful. There was only one school approved store, it was out in the middle of nowhere and called "Carbunkles" or something like that. Googling "Kid's School Uniforms" is the sort of search that results in the FBI showing up at your door, so let's just say they looked like this...

   
Eventually, having cartoon lunch boxes becomes socially unacceptable, and teachers begin choosing folders for you. Yeah I get it, Red for English, Green for Science is more organized, but where's the individuality? Where's the unique creativity? Where's the opportunity to pause during a lesson about fractions, look at your folder and say to yourself, "Yeah this sucks, but at least I get to go home and watch TaleSpin."

August only got worse as I entered high school, and it was all because of two words, Summer Reading. At the risk of offending my former English teachers, (a few of them actually read this, and are probably already offended by the grammar errors) I was always derelict in my summer reading assignments. I could never get myself to do it. There was a time when I felt like I'd be more diligent about it if I could pick my own books to read, but then I remember in grade school when I did five book reports on "Super Fudge" by Judy Blume. God, Fudge was such an asshole.

Ever since I finished college and summer has gone from vacation to season, I find myself eagerly awaiting fall to begin. Temperatures under 900 degrees (hopefully). Pumpkin flavored everything starts coming out. Football, Hockey and playoff baseball (grr...) Let's not forget Halloween! Speaking of which, I need a solid idea for this year. Last year I was Mr. Dink from Doug. Since I was an ancillary character with no one else in Doug gear, I spent a lot of my Halloween explaining...

"Ohhh, Okay." was the catch phrase of the night.

   
Don't get me wrong, I plan on savoring every last drop of Summer I can, but I've gotten over my August sense of dread.  Well that's all for this one gang. As always, feel free to share this old boy on your TwitterFace and InstaBooks.

Thanks,
Minch

Minch's Summer of Love: Chapter 7

Of all the squares to end up at, why did it have to be square one...

On August 18th, my membership with the pay dating site ends. My three month summer experiment is in the 8th inning, and essentially I'm right where I started. I've been mulling over whether to bother re-upping for another three months. Truth is, I'm leaning towards no. Now, slow down, I'm not writing this to be a depressing ballad of misery. Don't believe me, here's a picture of Tia shooting Hitler in front of an ARBYS...

There, better? I'm not trying to say I'm going to give up and live alone in a cave. Not yet anyways. At this juncture I'm having a hard time quantifying the overall value of being a part of that site. Okay, yes I did go on a few dates, but for every one of those (3 altogether) there 10 unanswered emails and/or winks (yeah, I gave up and started sending winks.) I could get ignored just as easily for free. Besides, I'd still be on the free site (shiver.)

I think part of the problem is, when you are on something like that, you better be ready to compete. Don't get me wrong, when your single, you're always in a competition. Just look at the bar scene I've described in previous chapters. But when you're on a site like this, you have to assume when your talking/chatting/dating/whatever semantics with someone there are 7-10 other guys messaging her, waiting for the chance to tell her what an asshole you are and how cool they are. It's a bit intense. Speaking of intense, this is getting a little dark, so to break the tension, please enjoy this picture of Foghorn Leghorn going to a bank where Sabres GM Darcy Regier works...

Which brings me to this blog. I'm also waffling on whether or not to continue The Summer of Love section of MvW. As much as I like writing it, it complicates matters. I was lucky once when I revealed its existence. There's no guarantee that next time, it won't get me duffed in the head. Not to mention, it kind of paints me into a corner as far as storytelling goes. Speaking of storytelling, as I said in Chapter One, there's no promise I can make to the reader that there will be a happy ending. I feel bad having created this blog for comedy purposes, leading the reader on a road to potentially nowhere. MvW will always exist, but this might have to go on the back burner. Though I do have one more trick up my sleeve...

Boy, I sure am hungry. I wonder what I should have for lunch...

(Looks Around)

I wonder WHAT I SHOULD HAVE FOR LUNCH!!!!

Maybe you should get Wendy's!!!! Oh God Dammit, not you again!

Say, that's not a bad idea. Care to join me? We could get a couple of Baconators...

No, I've told you before, it doesn't work like that. I have to leave. I need to go bully an old lady into buying a Frosty.

Damn.

Well now I am out of ideas. If this is the last SOL, then I thank you all for joining me on this experiment. Putting my shit on blast has been both fun and nerve wracking, but it's nice to know you've got people rooting for you. 

Keep rooting, it is only the 8th inning after all...

Minch