Episode 49: Blame Canada!

It all started during our last work meeting, when someone made the genius (and handsome) suggestion that we start a cycle to give everyone an opportunity to have a full weekend off. You see, the new gig is open on Saturday, but getting out a 6-7 beats the piss out of getting out at 1-2am. When turned out I was going to be off this past weekend, I decided it was time for a mini trip. Sam and I were going to the Happiest Place on Earth...

Niagara Falls!!!

Did you stay on the American or Canadian Side? 

That's not a serious question, is it? The American side consists of one nice casino and what looks like a post apocalyptic wasteland. No we stayed in the thick of the touristy splendor that is the Canadian Side of the falls. It had been awhile since my last trip, let's have a look...

The weird part is that this is in front of Sundowners.

The plan was set. After I got out of work on Friday, we'd drive up and have a fun filled weekend. Lets set the mood...

 Naturally, as we were pulling out of the driveway, the Minchmobile (which had been inspected days prior) stalled. We gave the old girl a few test runs, and decided to play it safe and take Sam's car, a 2004 Grand Dam...I know right? Aww!!! Side note, my car is till doing that occasionally when I put it into reverse, is that bad?

We finally arrived at our destination, The Double Tree Inn. We were given our keys, and our complimentary cookies....apparently that's a thing. Before we were able to head to our room we had to solve one little problem...

"Your Credit Card has been declined sir."

--Well of course it has, it doesn't have a red cent, Canadian or American on it. Here's my debit card.

"I'm afraid this card has been declined as well." He said as he snatched back his cookies.

...shit!

Sam tried her card, which was also declined. I had mixed emotions about that. On one hand, shit, where are we going to stay? On the other, this no longer a Minch exclusive eff up. This is where my super power came into play...

Binge Drinking Whiskey? 

No, better. Knowing a guy. Using Double Tree's ill obtained WiFi, I contacted former Movie House manager and current bank employee, Fronzie, and asked for help. He directed me to the Fraud line who fixed everything. Apparently, I need to warn the bank before I leave the country...Obama's America!!! That said, for helping to save the trip, Fronzie gets a salute...

Thanks buddy.

That was a lot to have to deal with in a single day, so we decided to lay low night one, just grab something to eat and head back. Unfortunately, we made another fatal error, relying on my sense of direction. We unintentionally added 20 minutes to our walk, through an unlit park. Day one was a good day.

We both went into this trip with expectations. Sam let me know her plan early on, obtain a Canadian Candy Bar not available in the States: Coffee Crisp. The difference between Sam and I is that when she has an objective, she researches, plans, uses strategery. That's not to say my method of throwing shit against the wall doesn't work too. Sam found a wholesaler that sold Coffee Crisp, and we got up bright and early to get it. Small detail, it was in the heart of the Canadian Ghetto...yep, apparently that's a thing too. I'm not 100% sure but I think it was where the movie, "The Mist" was filmed...

Please note the rusty sign and abandoned School Bus.

Here are some fun facts about Cash and Carry: The music on the PA system is staticy and the cast of "The Hills Have Eyes" work there. I've never been much for the whole, "What if the Zombie Apocalypse really happened?" crowd, (mostly because I'm an adult) but if in fact it were to happen, this would be the starting point. All that aside, we accomplished our mission...

Side note: What the hell is with Canadians and Ketchup Chips?

After escaping Cash and Carry, we dug right into some some of the Clifton Hill attractions, I mean we did stop at a buffet for breakfast before that, but who needs to hear about diarrhea. We did the Skywheel and the Maid of the Mist...

Yes, a Dodgers hat. Sometimes I like to go incognito...

It was shortly after this I made a grave realization, The Toronto Maple Leafs playoff game was that night and I was in enemy territory. What made it worse was that they won. Leafs fans are known for being insufferable assholes. But I'm sure that's just the bitter opinion of a fan of a divisional rival, and there isn't any type of proof I can provide backing that up...

Asshole.

I had a mission on this trip too, finally try Poutine. Poutine is a Canadian dish with french fries, cheese curds, and brown gravy. On our final day, I got my wish...

They may have screwed up bacon, but they got this right...

 I also got to cross something else off my food bucket list, shwarma! How did a middle eastern dish like shwarma find it's way on to said list in the first place? The answer isn't at all nerdy...

Sam and I ate at Casablanca, a middle eastern restaurant and hookah bar. (No, I couldn't get Sam to try a hookah.) I went with a shwarma sammy, and it was pretty great. Like any douche, I took to Twitter to tell everybody about trying it. My favorite response came from my dear friend.arch enemy @Nicknewt

"Robert Downey, Jr. and Chris Evans just high-fived. Chris Hemsworth crossed his arms, threw his head back, and let out a laugh."

Ha, we're nerds.

The Falls area is known for having a bunch of kitschy shops: Hershey Store, Coca Cola Store, a WWE store, and an MGM Studios store. I wanted to stop by the last one just to see what was left. I assumed it would just be a poster of a guy shrugging with the caption, "We still do Bond movies. That makes us relevant...right?"

What they did have was something that would shake the foundation of the entire trip...CUSTOM MADE BOBBLE HEAD DOLLS!!! Fun fact: I have always wanted an action figure crafted in my likeness, something like this was just close enough. On the other hand it cost $145, and my car stalled out before we left...might have to look into that. After a great deal of thought and discussion, I made the reasonable decision, and bought the bobble head!!!! I know I spoiled this on Facebook, but they sent me the first shots of the mold of my dome last night!!!!!

That worker earned every bit of the three cents an hour she's paid.

  
We ended our last day with a trip through Lewiston, where Sam's father grew up. After the kitsch and flashiness of Clifton Hill, it was nice to walk through an adorable little town...Also we had frozen custard.

It started out chaotic, but the trip was great time. Though I admit, seeing 19 year olds running around drinking makes me feel older than dirt. Speaking of which, this might have been the first Niagara Falls trip where I didn't end up blackout drunk...Progress.

That's all for me. I have to go buy Fran a Mother's Day present, though I'm seriously considering wrapping up Daisy the Dog.

Minch