Episode 50: Guess Who's Back...Back Again.

 

Oh hey everybody. Thanks for coming back, I know it's been awhile. You should take a seat, I have something to tell you...

...Okay here goes.

You see, sometimes life works in a funny way, not funny "Ha Ha" but more like Adam Sandler funny, you know, not very funny at all, in fact kinda sad. 

Dammit, let me start over. 

Sometimes, things that were once great, like Pepsi Blue and "The Cowboys of Moo Mesa" have to end. Much like both of those great things, my relationship with Sam has also ended. I will offer no specifics on the situation, other than that very fact, although if you take me to the bar and buy me a couple of bourbons, I'll likely spin you a yarn. There's more...

In the break up, Samantha  was awarded half of this blog. According to the judge, she gets the odd number episodes, and I get the evens.

It was important to me to address this in a dignified manner. To end with my head held high, not with my ass dragging on the carpet. For as the great Ernest Hemingway once wrote...

Oh yeah! That's right Movie from 14 years ago! I am, aren't I?! Free Agency! Now accepting offers...

No, not really. I think it might be time to start focusing on rebuilding the franchise, you know start by chiseling the dust off of my gym membership, saving money and finding an apartment. Things that got put on the back burner because Samantha didn't seem to mind.

Most importantly, I have emerged from this break up, perfectly fine. Not a single scratch of emotional and/or mental damage. Don't believe me, let's all have a sing along to my new favorite song...

Let's talk about something else...

The Minchmobile. The old girl and I have had a rough year. A busted tire, a busted gas valve that made it smell like gas when I turned on the heat. And that was before the real problems started. You remember the last episode 7 months ago when I told you about how my car would stall when in reverse? No? Well that happened. Also it got worse.

After the first time it stalled when I was moving forward, I decided screw it and brought it back to Goodyear. Why do I keep bringing it there, because they were dumb enough to give me a credit card. They replaced the battery and cleaned out the gas line or something, I don't know, and assured me this would fix it.

Cut to a few days after I came back from Florida, a trip I may one day have the inner strength to write about, but certainly not now, and the damn thing stalls out going forward and the Engine light goes on.

Son of a God Damn.

So with what little credit left I had on the Goodyear card, I brought it back yesterday. I gasped as the phone rang while I was at work. I was greeted by the soothing tone of the mustachioed customer service manager, I mean it, there has never been a calmer voice that has delivered me more terrible news. He told me that they cleaned out the air flow sensor (that's a thing? Jesus, I don't know cars) and it was working fine. They wouldn't charge me for the work, but eventually I would have to buy a new one. When I picked up the car I signed a receipt that TOTAL: $0.00!!!!!!

...and then it stalled in the parking lot.

"That'll be $200, please."

Dammit.

I have dropped well over $1500 (on credit) on this damn car this year alone, and the next time something like this happens, I have a plan...

Right off a bridge...

Well that's it for me. Stay tuned for Episode 51 which I'm told is going to compare the differences between Les Miserables the play and the movie.

Honestly, now I'm going to have some time on my hands, so I'd like to start doing this again. So let's kick it off by sharing it on your Facepages, and InstaTwitters, but not Vine. I still don't really know what the hell vine is supposed to be...

Minch