Monday, September 10, 2012

Episode 39: If It Means A Lot To You

Something great/terrible happened before Fran's "Labor Day Eve Blackout For America Block Party." Like all stories that involve the words great and terrible, it takes place at a liquor store. I decided I wanted to put on my fancy pants for this event and enjoy some bourbon. In that section of "Uncle Reginald's House of Moonshine and Merriment" ---where I usually get my booze, I saw something I haven't seen since my brother and sister-in-law's rehearsal dinner...

Kentucky Gentleman!!!! (Cigars sold separately.)
A two liter bottle cost me $16, so it's both high quality and economically responsible! I tweeted (@mrminch if you're not already aboard) the above picture, and my favorite response came from my old college buddy @nicknewt: "A white suit is being shipped to you from the finest haberdashery in all of Kentucky as we speak" For safety sake, there should be a warning on the label that if you drink and entire 2L of Kentucky Gentlemen in the span of a day, you wake up the next morning feeling like Colonel Sanders beat you with a lead pipe....

This past Friday, there was a meeting of the minds and we are coming ever closer to the return of "The Minch and Topeck Show." Here, I made a poster...

 For those of you new to The M+T show, here's a brief origin story. Back when my old buddy Topeck and I started at MCC, we basically had the same schedule, so Topeck drove me (also, I didn't get my license til I was 18 #MinchFacts.) We noticed there were sign ups for MCC's radio station "WMCC: The Mix." For some reason that I'll never quite understand, the head guy at the station liked our show, which consisted of mostly music and a couple of jokes in between. In our second year, we were given free reign of our show, and began having fellow Movie House employee and longtime friend Dave Rector as third mic. Not satisfied with only broadcasting in the hallway outside the studio, it was more of a PA system than a radio station, we began burning the show onto CDs and our good friend Mr. Jeff Commaroto would upload it on his website. Now, I'm not saying that we invented podcasting, but we invented podcasting.

The show itself was a mix of movie reviews, contests, and one major sketch in the middle. While everyone had a hand in writing sketches I was the primary impressionist (not particularly good, but it worked) so for the most part, I was talking to myself like a schizophrenic. This SNL sketch basically sums it up, though we were never quite so tongue in cheek racist. SNL, Z105 The Minch and Topeck show

At it's heart, the Minch and Topeck show was about three friends trying to make each other laugh, and I'm really excited to be trying it again. And Now for Something Completely Different...

It's a rough time for the Minch Sports Universe. Let's have a run down:

Boston Red Sox: Not good. At this rate I may be asked to coach the rest of the season.

Buffalo Sabres: The team itself is fine. I like the offseason moves. Should be a good season, oh wait that's right, there's an impending lockout, and who the hell knows if there will even be a season.

Buffalo Bills: Got embarrassed by the Jets yesterday. In most crowds, a statement with flickering optimism like, "Hey they're only 0-1" will get paper wads, beer bottles, and Tia the dog thrown at you.

College Football: is a thing I never really cared too much about, except for one drunken night...

Last year, my cousin and I were on a Kickball Pub Crawl down East Ave. It was getting pretty late in the game, and I had a good thing going. We got to one bar towards the end of the crawl and we wanted to play darts, a thing I am not good at. The dartboard is located in the bar's back room and as we started to play we noticed we were surrounded by Nebraska Corn Huskers fans.They were all decked out and watching the game. Thinking nothing of it, we started playing when the manager popped in to tell us we couldn't be in the backroom as the Nebraska fans rented it out. Just as we were being shamefully escorted out, a large gentlemen stood up and said, "Wait, they can stay. As long as they root for Nebraska with us!!!" So there we were, playing darts and going crazy for a team that I had never really gave a hot damn about. Jim Carrey, would you kindly reenact that night for us...
Yeah, that's about right. Oh and who is that with you?
Somehow, I ended up at a nightclub that night. Hey before I go, I have a favor to ask. I'm sure you've been lobbied with a bunch of the "Vote For My Kid" Gerber contests, but if you could find it in your heart to vote for either or both of my kids, it would be great. You forgot I had kids? Go back and read All Good Things 

Vanekessa Pegula Minch
Joffrey Alabaster Minch

Vote early and often. Hey, thanks for reading! Feel free to share this on the Pinstagram (TM-Rector) various AOL Chat rooms, or the social media outlet of your choosing. My next edition of "Minch's Pop Tarts is going to show up Sept 19th, and I'll warn you now, it features Mr. Belding.


Sunday, September 2, 2012

Episode #38: You Rascal You

It has been forever and a day since my last blog. I mean, I didn't completely leave you guys in the lurch, you did get another edition of Minch's Pop Tarts!!! Did you read that yet? I made fun of Flubber and everything. Anyways, if I may offer an explanation for my extended absence, the inevitable finally happened. I woke up one morning, went to check the internets, and my 2002 Compaq was frozen. While that isn't necessarily new, when I went to reboot it, it still wouldn't work. My 10 year old computer had finally bit the dust. Let's all take a moment...

God must have needed a computer that shuts off when you try to load pics for your blog.

 Fortunately for me, Fran just so happened to have a computer lying around, Daisy the Dog was using it as a chew toy. So, I'm back and now using Windows Vista!!!---Nope, not a joke..

Where the hell did summer go? It seems like just yesterday I was day drinking for Memorial Day and now today I'll be day drinking for Labor Day. You see, Fran has the family picnic the day before, so you can spend the holiday hungover. It's a brilliant, yet slightly sad system.

Recently, I was thinking about the direction of my life, (No, I wasn't high) and while I don't really have a lot to complain about ( I mean big picture style, stubbing your toe sucks, but compared to the problems of a 29 year old Sudanese guy, I think I'm doing okay) I also don't have much of a long term plan. So I came up with an idea: Give myself til the ripe old age of 31 and if I'm still in the same(ish) spot that I'm in now, I'll vanish out of Rochester...

Where will you go? 

Well Christ, I haven't planned everything out yet. Maybe Hawaii. I could bar tend at a dive bar. Like a "All our beer comes in cans and all our wine comes in boxes" type of joint. A place that still has that old Budweiser Bartender video game. The type of place where they have a grill, but you're not going to eat there unless you're really hammered. I could come up with a signature burger, "The Minch" (I'm still drafting out specifics, but bacon and gravy will be involved) It'll become a late night Hawaiian delicacy, and Travel Channel's Adam Richman will show up to try one, turning our dive bar into a tourist destination. Foodies* will travel for miles and miles to try my new genius creation.

*Foodie is a Latin word for "Pain in the ass" Yeah I get it, the sandwich is good, act like a person.

Finally, when the old man owner kicks the bucket, I'll make a power grab, buy off his shitty kids and then own the bar! I'll live out the rest of my days with my hipster Hawaiian wife (Hawaiian Hipsters exist right?) sun burnt and day drunk, or as you people call it "Happily Ever After"


Perfect, now I have a long term plan in place. Now that I have a working computer, I intend on churning out a lot more of these a lot quicker, you know unless I'm doing other stuff. Feel free to share this on any of the major social networking emporiums. I mean you took the time to share that Someecard that said, "My Liver's Watch is stuck on Five O'Clock" why not share something that helps your old pal Minch? Just click the links below buddy or buddy-ette!!!

Thanks as always,