Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Episode 48: The MinchDay 2013 Saga!

Let me start by saying, one blog entry every couple months is NOT okay. The only reason I've been able to keep up with my Eat Your Serial entries is because I signed a 48 page contract that apparently had a clause stating that if I miss an entry, they have a legal right to cut off one of my toes. That said, I'm here now and I want to talk about one of my favorite subjects in the world, my birthday...

The plan was simple. You guys remember how I used Twitter to invite Zooey Deschanel to my birthday last year, right? Well, I had my doubts that Sam would be crazy about trying that one again, but I still liked the concept of inviting someone awesome to come out drinking. At the time, Bill Murray was filming a movie so I set my sights a little more reasonably: Sabres Play by Play man Rick Jeanneret. There was not game on my birthday, so It was completely plausible that I could convince a 70 year old man to travel an hour and a half to a bar and celebrate the birthday of someone he's never met. Before I had the chance to unleash this genius plan, I was Out-Minched on MinchDay...

This is going to come out bad: I forget 78% of the things my Mom tells me about. Amongst those things, was a reminder to try and get out early one Saturday for my Aunt and Uncle's Surprise 30th Wedding Anniversary. I feel like Fran was starting to gather that this event was fading in and out of my conscious memory, because she later told me that since my father was my uncle's best man, they wanted me to do a little mock renewal ceremony. For an attention grabbing wise ass like your truly, I had no problem doing it. This was also a chance to introduce Sam to the extended members of my family. I was going to play the numbers game, by law of averages she couldn't find ALL of them offensive...could she?

So work arrangements were made, and a brief joke littered renewal ceremony was crafted. During my break that day, I swung by the house to pick up a change of clothes only to find Sam all Fran's house...making bread dip...and acting suspicious. I admit that was a little bit of a "Wait a minute" moment, and I proceeded to tease Sam that I was on to the "Surprise Party" but shortly after I stopped by Dennis' house and his general disinterest in the event and how long it was going to last, brought me right back down to Earth.

After getting out of work late, I was in full fledged panic mode that I was going to be the one that ruined the surprise for my aunt and uncle. I picked up Sam and raced to the lodge. As I headed for the door, I felt a sad about the non existent surprise 30th birthday I had cooked up in my head...

Yes, they even got Thomas Vanek to show up.
Fran had cooked the whole thing up. Months of planning and prepping had led to a moment that I can really only describe as, "delightfully overwhelming." Friends, Family, Presents, Cake, and a Keg, all there for me. The Birthday King had been out birthday-ed.

This pic is one Batman "POW!" graphic away from looking like I hit Sam.
I get how newlyweds can be too busy to drink at their own reception. That's not too suggest that I didn't drink...oh sweet baby Jesus did I drink, but I found I was too overwhelmed to eat. Well, that and I had Wendy's for lunch. I didn't even have a slice of my sexy cake.

But Fran's most sinister plot was yet to come that evening. She planned out a comedy roast for me, featuring the comedy stylings of Nate, Rector, and Maslyn brothers. Here's a few of the more hurtful lines.

Fran: This party would have been much easier to plan if you hadn't moved back home at 30.

Nate: Your Godson Charley wrote you a card, it says, "Uncle Mike you toot too much" and Henry wrote, "You're on the naughty list." 

Maslyn: Mike's sister Kristin is here (audience gasps) Kristin used to hate me because 10 years ago I jokingly said she had a low IQ. We started getting along after the state proved I was right. 

Other Maslyn: I had a bunch of jokes about Minch's girlfriend until I got here and found out she was real.

Rector: You are fatter than you were when I started this sentence. 

Needless to say I am mad at all of them and haven't spoken to any of them since.

All in all, it was an amazing night that went by too fast. I can't begin to explain out appreciative I am for all the effort that went into it, most of all by Fran. Although deep down I know it was all just a plot to rob me of the ability to make jokes about how Dennis is the favorite son. Even if that was the case,  it was damn sure worth it. But that wasn't the last of the MinchDay surprises.

The night before my actual birthday, Sam seemed just as eager to give me my gift as I was to get it. As I opened my eyes and saw what she had handed me, I could see why...

Holy Crap! Holy Crap! Holy Crap!
ALL THREE TALKING RICK JEANNERET BOTTLE OPENERS!!!! Just like the thing I talked about seven years ago when I posted my last blog! It's official, I'm on the clock to do something equally amazing for her birthday. At least I have until October...or is it September...August? Shit.

The last several episodes I have referred to my birthday this year as "MinchDay 2013: Taking it Down a Notch." It's kind of funny that it wound up being one hell of a spectacle, and not even because of anything I did!

Switching gears, I want to close by once again declaring my love for the city of Boston. I was absolutely sickened by the events during the Boston Marathon. In honor of it, I end with what I'll call "The Ed Heyman (Just a) Quick Story of the Day"

We were in Boston a few years ago and while the girls were shopping, Dennis, Jeremy, and I were having a few Sam Adam Boston Brick Red Ales at the Black Rose and watching the Red Sox game. In the game, Mike Lowell went up to bat after being benched several games. Mike was the World Series MVP in 2007 and getting up their in years. Out of love and respect for what he had done for the franchise, the crowd at Fenway, as well as the crowd at the Black Rose gave him a crazy ovation. He responded by crushing out a two run home run and both places went bonkers. A great memory from a great city.

Yes, that's my shoulder...
Continue to "B Strong" Boston, and with a great deal of love, respect, and a desire to return to normalcy I say, God Bless America, Go Sox, and Screw the Damn Bruins...