Thursday, March 14, 2013

Episode 47: Working Class Hero

I suppose the number one reason I felt compelled to FINALLY sit down and churn out a blog was to put to bed a vicious rumor that I have drunk myself into a coma as a result of the Buffalo Sabres. No friends, that rumor is only half true, so sleep well. In fact Sam and I went to a game recently. While the game itself was downright depressing (Buffalo Bills style depressing) the seats were pretty kick ass, thanks in no small part to my buddies at VIP Seats Dot Com

That game would mark the last time Lindy Ruff coached the Sabres, and the first time I saw my girlfriend almost get into a fight (in her defense the other girl was Canadian.)

As a Sabres fan, I am honestly torn between wanting to see the team make a heroic playoff run and wanting to see them bottom out and blow the team up. In my opinion, their GM is useless, and trust me I know a thing or two about having a useless GM. (Get it?!)

Is it just me or is time going by twice as fast as usual? I accept that that might be the Kentucky Gentleman talking, but honestly, it seems like free time has come at a very high................wait for it............PREMIUM (insurance joke)

 Yeah, yeah I know. Shut up. Seriously though, where the hell did the month of February go? And where is March heading to? St. Patrick's Day is this Sunday?! Coincidentally, that means it's been a year since I wrote this charming little St. Patrick's Day themed number. My point is, time's been flying by as I try to balance having a new job and a girlfriend...

How's that going you ask? Pretty awesome. Here's us at the previously mentioned Sabres game..

This was before the fight with the loud, drunk, Canadian girl.

So get this, Sam has met several members of my family....AND still wants to date me. I know, I don't understand it either. Maybe she just has a high threshold for families that are "Circus Trains on Fire" like the Minch Family.

As for the new job, we just moved into our brand new office. This place has been the boss' dream, and we have all had a hand putting it together...

At one point I had this grand plan of making a flash cartoon based on this story, but in an effort to be realistic, I'm just going to tell it. It was my very first day working. The Boss asked if I could come to the new office and help build furniture and set up. Anyone who knows me knows I'm "Captain Asshole" when it comes to building things, but this was LITERALLY the first thing my new boss had asked of me. No simply wasn't an answer. So I get there and put a couple of end tables together. I kind of surprised myself by being able to actually do it (a four year old could have) so I was feeling kind of strong. I decided for my next trick I was going to build a desk, a big ass, way over my head desk. 17 and 1/2 hours later I finished it--ish. Unless you gave it a really close look, it actually looked like a desk. Of course once you gave it a close look, you'd see it didn't have enough legs, the drawers were inside out and my watch is stuck in the middle, holding the whole thing together.

This is where the story should have ended. I should have grabbed my coat and hat, shook the boss' hand and headed home. But no, Captain Asshole asked if there was anything else he could do. The boss asked if I could hang a picture. Sure this may seem like a simple task to some of you, but to Captain Asshole, no such luck. I got up on the ladder, drill in one hand and the pic in the other. The end result looked like this...

Guess which one I did... (Dramatization)
The story REALLY should have ended there. I should have told the boss about my handyman short comings and said goodnight. But no, Captain Asshole decided to try again. I rested the power drill on top of the ladder and grabbed the picture. Only when I did, the corner of the picture hit the drill off of the ladder. 

"Oh no! The drill is going to break!" I thought, as it plummeted to the ground. Fortunately the drill was safe and sound. The same couldn't be said for the priceless fountain that was on the ground next to the ladder. That was smashed to bits. 

Ladies and Gentlemen: Captain Asshole's First Day of the New Job!

The office is now built and fully operational. I even have my own desk....

The job itself is going well. I'm still having a hard time getting over people automatically thinking I'm a bastard just for calling them, but like they taught in Regal school, Q.T.I.P. (Quit Taking It Personal) This also served as a reminder to clean out your ears, as the hotels in Tennessee are known for having ear mites.

I want to end this with a lesson. Don't hesitate when it comes to the important things. A month ago, Sam and I were at Sam's Club and I saw this...

Labatt Blue Light featuring a talking Rick Jeanneret bottle opener. As a broadcasting major, RJ is a personal hero of mine. I should have nabbed it right then and there, but I didn't. I balked. I figured I had just bought beer and I'd get it later. Shortly after, there where none of these cases to be found. Sam and I went back to the scene of the crime to make a last ditch effort to find one. Low and behold, buried in the stack of the beer cases was a box with the bottle opener!!! Sam and I tore through the pile like we were digging for gold and when we finally got to it...Someone, some red devil, son of a motherless goat, had opened the box and taken the bottle opener. As Alfred once said, "Some men just want to watch the world burn."  This is the Joe Biden Beer Cozy all over again. I am too late, and this is something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life...

Yep, it's a real thing. I missed out on this too...

Hey, switching gears completely, I want to welcome the two newest MvW fans to the world!

Cadence Lynn Rector (Congrats to Dave and Danielle!)

Julia Marie McNally (Congrats to Adam and Kristen!) 

Welcome aboard kiddos!

Well, this should make up for over a month of not posting. Next episode will be the MinchDay 2013 (Taking It Down A Notch) pregame special. Who will I invite this year? Bill Murray? Terry Pegula? Tony Avallone? We'll find out next time. Until then, thanks for reading!!!!