Episode 40: What Happens in Vegas...

Holy hell, it's been almost a month since my last blog post??!?! I am an absentee parent of blogging, but I am back and I'm going to buy you ice cream*, and you can forget how I haven't been there for you.

Last week I wrote my newest article for my buddies over at Eat Your Serial!!!! It runs on 10/17, because it takes a week and a half to edit out all of the bad grammar and bad spelling and the parts that seem like they were written while asleep and/or drunk. For some reason, this one was tough to come up with. I farted around with a couple of ideas (A TV and Movie Presidential Debate, an analysis of the old man buddy comedies of the late '90s) but nothing was clicking. Then, the night before it was due, Ang Lee's Hulk movie was on. Ang Lee's Hulk is the Gone With the Wind of Hulk movies, in that it is roughly as long as Gone With the Wind. But just like I have done for all of my years of high school and college, I let something I wasn't really interested in distract me from something I needed to do. Finally, when the movie ended at 1:30am (it started at 7:30pm) I started to get an idea for what to write. I think the end result is pretty neat. Okay, so a quarter of the way through and this has just been an advertisement for the next thing I'm doing---which is basically how Marvel makes movies. (Zing)

Hey, I'm going to Vegas on Saturday. It's hard to believe that this trip spawned from an early morning phone call from Mom.

Cell Phone: RING RING (Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men is my ringtone if you're a purist for facts) 

Me: What?!?

Fran: We're going to Vegas for your sister's birthday. You want to go?

Me: Not now I'm sleeping...

After I came to, and the plan was explained to me, I decided I was on board. The lineup is a bit eccentric to say the least . It's my sister and three of her friends, my Mom (who will likely be playing the duel role of Mother Superior/Bail Bondsman) and then me. Apparently the group needed a problem drinking smart ass to round out their numerically challenged version of Oceans 11, (I'm Bernie Mac.)

This isn't my first go round in Vegas. I went back in 2007. Let's have a look...

I think this was the Planet Hollywood Mall or something like that, but more than anything else...Jesus Christ I was a fat son of a bitch!!! I'm going to pull up a different pic to even out.

Jesus, I was a thin son of a bitch. I don't know whether to feel depressed or really depressed so let's move on.

One of the many activities we are doing in Vegas is a "Club Crawl." As I'm sure you'd assume, this was my idea. (This is where a sarcasm font would be helpful.)  We are taking a party bus to a bunch of different Vegas clubs, and while variety is the spice of life, I find the dress code a little restrictive.

No Sneakers: What the hell? Like Chucks aren't stylish all of a sudden?

Button Down shirt...

So I seriously don't get to wear this? 

 Not to mention, several requests from my sister to wear contacts. Just what in the hell is wrong with my glasses? They make me look like Tampa Bay Rays coach Joe Maddon.

I may not like his team, but the guy's got style...

One thing is certain, I am going to put $10 on the Bills winning the Super Bowl. I can only imagine what the odds are now after those last two nightmares I'm told were football games. If somehow they are able to pull it off (You know, by cheating or all the other teams forfeiting.) I'll use the winnings throw a party that looks a little something like this...

Alright, that's it for this one gang. I would like to tell you I'm going to churn these out quicker, but I can't. So I promise that I will try to try. In the meantime, be a gem and share this on the social media. Post about it in AOL Chat rooms or print this out and mail it to a friend, stamps are cheap. Also, I want to start trying to rally more followers, so do whatever Google tells you to do to become one. It's almost painless!!! Thanks!!!

Minch

*No, there isn't any ice cream.