Episode 35: Fifty Shades of Minch

Due to some comically timed vacations, including the Minch Family's trek to Chicago next week, the Summer of Love is in a holding pattern. Fear not faithful readers, no news is in fact no news, I assume... So here's the first of two new summertime MvWs to keep you occupied during your shithouse breaks.

Last time I told you about how I attended "The Chocolate vs The World Blog Conference 2012, Live from Panera Bread." Remember, I got a $6 cookie, which was served on a plate. What in the hell is the point of that? It's a cookie. The cashier could have thrown it at me and it would have been a more appropriate serving style. Instead, here I am, in a public place of business with a porcelain plate that only has a cookie on it. I looked like an asshole, and that's not even counting the Hawaiian shirt I was wearing. Topeck, get on that buddy, save time and dish duty by not putting cookies on plates.

Okay, that got just a hair off topic. One of the things discussed at the conference was the idea of having a guest blogger. Bringing in someone else, who is frequently mentioned on here to give their perspective. I spent a lot of time thinking about who among my friends and family I could bring on as a guest blogger. First I ruled out the illiterate ones, that halved my selection. Then I thought about who wouldn't say anything bad about me...then I went back to looking at the illiterate ones.

I then realized that answer had been staring me in the face this entire time. There is a young lady who has been frequently mentioned on here, who deserves to have her say. For the most part she has been shrouded in mystery, by design, but by letting her come on here and speak her mind, it will give you the readers a better perspective of who she really is. Ladies and Gentlemen I am referring to...

Swerve.

  My niece dog Tia. So we brought here in to the Minch vs the World Studios to let here take a crack at blogging...

 

 Thanks Mike, it's great to be here. There are a couple of things I really wanted to talk about that have been on my mind for a while. 

1-I really don't get humans
The other day, Mike was over to let me out of my cage and raid my mom and dad's fridge--he thinks I don't notice. He let me outside and sat in the breakfast nook. I thought it would be a great day to show him the dead bird I've been playing with. This thing is a beaut. Bones, feathers, likely disease, everything a dog could want or enjoy. So I bring it over to him, rest it on the other side of the couch, and he starts freaking out!!! Not like, "Oh MY GOD YOU'RE FINALLY HOME!!!" freak out. Like, yelling and screaming. Then, and this is where I get pissed, the bastard throws it away!!! I share my dead bird with him, and he tosses it out, like it's garbage.

Don't even get me started on my parents. Dad leaves his sunglasses in what I refer to as "The Chew Zone" For future reference, "The Chew Zone" is basically anywhere within my reach. So it was well within my right to chew them, in fact it would be rude not to. When they come home, Dad's all pissed off. There is a code! Things in "The Chew Zone" get chewed!!! I'd like to tell you they beat the hell out of me for that, but my punishment was far more severe...

This is not okay...

 2)- Dear Lol Cats, and Lol Cats enthusiasts: Please cut the shit. This "I can Has Cheeseburger" nonsense is the Amos and Andy of the animal world, and you're making us all look like assholes.

3) The Arab Spring 
To me, the most interesting thing about the blossoming democracy movement in the middle east is the the emergence of social media as a means of

What The F--K is this shit? 

Okay, Minch here. This is my fault, I shouldn't let Tia guest blog, without letting my sister's dog Daisy have at least a paragraph. Floor is yours Daisy, keep the swearing to a minimum.

F--k You. Mike put me in the microwave once. I'd tell you he was drunk, but you probably already guessed that. Tia's a bitch. Daisy OUT!

Fair enough. Well that's it for this one gang. Next week, I'll be blogging live from Chicago, assuming the hotel has a business center, or someone brings their laptop. There's no way I'll be dragging the old 2002 Compaq along for the drive. Feel free to share this with your social media friends, and join the Minch Vs The World Platinum Club by following this blog on Google. My new Pop Tart runs on Eat Your Serial July 24th, and it's a doozie! 

Thanks, 

Minch