Episode 7: Worth the Wait.

Hey gang, sorry for the delay. The combination of both the holiday weekend and trouble with the internets are to blame, but here we are, back again!

The Buffalo Sabres…Nope, next subject.

The Red Sox hired their new manager yesterday, Bobby Valentine. He sounds like the good guy in a 1950’s teen romance movie (or picture as the old timers will tell you.)

“Hey, did you hear, Bobby Valentine is sweet on Sally Sunrise?”

“Yeah, but so is Shanks Calhoon. He wants to fight Bobby by the flagpole right before the sock hop”
Cue offensive depiction of African Americans, and SCENE.
See, fits perfectly. Anyways, I was saddened by the way former coach Terry Francona left, but this seems like a good move. As a Sox fan, I will ignore the fact that Bobby V came off kinda bat shit crazy this season on ESPN’s Sunday Night Baseball.

This past Friday, something strange and unusual happened. I worked from about 8:45 am til about 6:30, went to Mom’s to pillage Thanksgiving leftovers, and returned home to watch the Sabres get murdered by the Columbus Blue Jackets--yes that’s a real team.  Just when I started thinking about what I wanted to do with my night, I realized I couldn’t do it. I was out of gas. The late night’s and early shifts had beaten me. I went to bed at 11:00 PM!!! How sad is that? Sure I woke up feeling refreshed and ready for the day, but part of me felt empty…my liver.

As busy as the movie house was, things ran fairly smoothly. I credit this in no small part to the Regal Star Shaped Stress ball I was given when I went to “Regal Entertainment University” (Production Note: I will be dedicating an entire blog to that story, as it was an adventure!!!) It seemed like the moment I took it out of my pocket, people knew my opinion on what they were telling me. This was a most beneficial practice and one I see fit to continue, until my Regal Rage Star supernovas in my tightly clenched fist.

 There are commercials that I hate, and then there are commercials that are the metaphorical equivalent of farting on the flag, and tinkling in a church’s holy water. The new Hyundai Holidays ad campaign is the later. Look, Jeff Bridges is one of my favorite actors, so he is excused. He does the voice over, and likely doesn’t know what the end result will look like, that was his excuse for doing “Surf’s Up.”  The commercial consists of a white rapper, “DJ Dave” and his buddies wrapping about the benefits of a Hyundai. It’s offensive to black people, white people, and various species of aliens. Why can’t we just have those two hipsters from last year? Sure the guy looked like a doofus who reeks of hummus, but the girl was cute. I do like me some hipster girls. Your first (of three) homework assignments is this: 1) Youtube the DJ Dave Hyundai Commercial. Do your best to not claw your eyes out.

Finally, the comedy world lost one of the greats yesterday. Patrice O’Neal died, presumably as a result of a stroke he had earlier this month. He was recently on the Charlie Sheen Roast--he was my favorite act. His seemingly genuine vitriol for Anthony Jeselnik was incredibly funny to me. Patrice was no stranger to being offensive, and I am not about to say that everyone would care for his comedy, but to me, it was honest. He strove for honesty, and even though I don’t agree with everything he ever said, I know it came from his heart. He had some bit roles on Arrested Development, and The Office, but was best known for being on the Opie and Anthony show. He was a hell of a funny guy, with an incredibly interesting world perspective. Homework assignment 2)Youtube Patrice O’Neal’s Unmasked Sirius XM interview- it’s an hour long, full of swears, and hosted by Ron Bennington of Ron and Fez - a hero of mine. It’s an incredibly funny and interesting listen.

Ok gang, until my internets shit out again, I’m going to try and turn one of these suckers out a day. As always your feedback means the world to me. Oh I almost forgot your last assignment. 3) Get one of your friends to start reading this blog, please.  Thanks!

Minch